Ms. Lyndsey if u nastay (lyndzer) wrote,
Ms. Lyndsey if u nastay

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Whoa anti depression medication anyone? yeah i need some. apparently livejournal is my place to vent...sorry for my last random entry haha.

Well a few weeks ago I finally watched "I Heart Huckabees". I had been wanting to see that for the longest time, and it was worth the quirky and funny, just what I like. Theres one thing Id like to address...aside from the fact that it was brilliant theres something that it made me realize even though the film doesnt come to the conclusion that I did. The film says a lot of stuff, but some of the characters struggle with finding out the meanings of experiences and self. And some characters come to the realization that they are putting up a facade and "not being themselves" and then they learn to seperate what they think defines them, from what really is "them". Did that make sense? Well, watching it made me realize that there is no such thing as NOT BEING YOURSELF. I always liked that simple quote "just be yourself" but Ive found that there is no such thing as not being yourself. Think about it- say you know that when you around a certain person you act ditzier because you think that is what they like. Or around another person you adopt their pessimistic attitude about life or other people...but thats not "who you really are"....I think you are. Because when we feel the need to "not be ourselves" that feeling of NOT wanting to act like ourselves for a few moments is a feeling WE really had...thus, making all those urges to put up a facade a part of who we really are, meaning literally everything we do and say (even if we dont think its who we are) really is us, because all of those actions stemmed from urges and feelings we truly had. WHew, if you get what Im going for I love you.

Last post I was talking about a certain guy who I couldnt fully get over and part of me still wanted to be with him. Literally a day or two later I ran back into Jason, the guy I had been talking with for a month or two...theres a whole huge story in itself but Ill just ex all that and say we cleared things up and picked up right where we left off again. The day later the boy I had been talking about in the previous entry called me to talk...not about anything big, we were just catching up I guess. So this conversation completely turned me off to him in all ways. I cant explain it. I was just listening to the things he said and I was like WHO IS THIS PERSON? I felt like I was talking to a stranger and I cant even explain how weird it was. I hung up and was like Thankyou God. Honestly everytime I start getting weak about things, something like this happens and makes me feel strong or in control again. Now I can focus on Jay and see where this chapter takes us.

The moral of this journal- I got my hair highlighted on Tuesday and it looks cute. I did mostly highlights as usual but some lowlights so my old and new highlights wouldnt blend making me a straw-blonde. Now I can actually see the difference between my blonde hairs and my dark shades so its better.
Ok fine that wasnt the moral of this entry.
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